If New Year’s isn’t enough of a reminder that another year has passed, my birthday comes as a second reminder that time is flying.
I’d like to think that means I’m having fun. And, I suppose I am. But as I find myself crossing over the mid-point between 40 and 50, my breath catches in my throat as I choke back the shock. How exactly did that happen?
Immediately, I start to list the endless list of things I haven’t done that I was sure I would have done long before now. But I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. I tell myself, “I am enough.” I think that’s my new mantra.
So, if I am enough and my life is enough, what has my life been about? In a word, I’d have to say if you take my life and add it all up, it comes to a work in progress. And that’s enough.
In the interest of celebrating, here are random moments/experiences from my life I am grateful for:
- Climbing trees and clinging to the branches while the tree swayed in the wind.
- Swinging so high the swing would go above the top bar and then jerk on its way back down.
- The warm feeling of sharing a smile.
- Watching my nephews grow into amazing young men.
- Friends. Especially friends who know me and remind me my flawed and imperfect self is enough.
- Every dog I have ever known and especially those I have shared a lifetime in dog years with.
- The moments when I managed, in spite of the improbability, to do the exact right thing to connect with someone in way that left us both feeling like we mattered.
- Fireflies and the childhood delight of watching them flash their lights against my skin just before floating off, back into the night.
- Having parents who supported me when I took chances and helped nurse me back to health when the odds didn’t go my way.
- Having followed my teenage dream of working with horses far enough to have no regrets over giving it up.
- The day I knew, absolutely knew without a doubt, my husband loved me.
- The feeling of being a millionaire when I bought my first piece of real furniture even though it was a damaged floor sample.
- Soaring downhill on my bike with no hands, fingers spread wide to catch the wind whistling between them.
- The foresight and caring of a friend who got me to the hospital in time to hold my mother’s hand while she died.
- Standing on top of Half Dome feeling like I had just conquered the world.
- Bad boyfriends without whom I couldn’t have appreciated good ones.
- Having a father who could talk me through disassembling a garbage disposal to remove a clog and reassembling it over the phone.
- The day I realized women should be allies, not enemies.
- Every time my husband plays one of his songs for me.