I repeat the start of yesterday, rising before the sun and sitting alone in the living room watching the lights on the tree. But this morning, I reflect on Christmas yesterday. The remnants of wrapping paper remain on the floor. I have yet to turn on the news to see if world peace was achieved.
Instead, I think about the crazy toys we picked out for my nephews, 18 and 19 years old. We got funny whistles that play when they are turned over and the whistle slides through a tube. I laugh as I recall my nephews trying to synchronize their whistles to play a chord.
We also got them a Pokey and a Gumby–I was pleased when each took a few moments to contort them into ridiculous poses. But my favorite was when they opened the cheap mustache kits and each adhered a fake mustache to their faces. The oldest resembled Charlie Chaplin with the thick, squarish mustache he picked out and the youngest looked like a silent movie villain with the skinny mustache he tried on.
While we did get them each a gift they wanted in addition to these silly finds, I suspect it will be these toys they remember with a smile when they tell their kids about the Christmases they had.
I grow serious for a moment and do a mental check on how I did with judging. I am pleased that I noticed every time I was judgmental. I think about what triggered a judgmental response and recognize that I am guilty of the things I judge the most harshly. I am reminded of a friend of mine who told me he was a horrible gay basher until he came out of the closet. As if we somehow distance ourselves from our own guilt by harshly condemning others for what we want most to hide about ourselves. Hypocrisy is not my friend.
I wonder for a moment if “coming out of the closet” about my own secrets would somehow free me from this tendency to judge. But I recall that my friend did not leave his judgments behind by revealing his sexual orientation; rather he changed sides on who he thought was right and wrong. Perhaps he was ashamed of having been cruel.
Rather than follow in my friend’s footsteps, then, I decide I will simply stay with noticing when I am judging and letting it go. This was quite effective yesterday. Instead of getting worked up and angry, I simply noticed I was judging and moved on. It may have been my most peaceful (and silly) Christmas yet.
I’m happy with my progress even if it wasn’t perfect. I was freed to focus on creating silliness in the here and now instead of talking about (and getting upset about) things in the past or things imagined.
I decide I need to amend my wish for this holiday season: peace, love, joy, and unabashed silliness.